jennyyy

It’s been quite awhile since I’ve blogged, but my weight has been relatively constant -__- Last week, I dropped into the 120’s (maybe accidentally), but since then I feel like I haven’t stopped eating so…..a bit scared to look now, haha

The thing with coming home once or twice a year is that your parents and relatives forget that, yes, there’s food at college too.  My mom’s cooking is relatively healthy, but I swear my parents eat 3x as much as me and gain nothing. I have no idea where my sluggish metabolism came from.

I’m starting to write again now, because like the rest of the world in the first week of January, I feel like I need to take my health into my own hands.  I’ve been trying to lose these 20 pounds for the last year and a half, and it’s quite pathetic how bad my willpower can be. There’s a semi-formal in April, so one goal is to be able to fit into a nice black dress by then.

Here’s to 2010!

-Jen

I was actually doing quite well with food before classes started….Now there’s always free food during club meetings, and as everyone is getting to know each other, there are so many group dinners, brunches, and food outings!! and sometimes I don’t get home until late, and I just grab whatever’s in the pantry for a snack while I study…..

I guess there’s really no excuse….I vow that the next time I blog, i’ll finally break into the 120’s again, sigh…

note to self: never buy Nutella or peanut butter while dieting.

<3 Jen

So I’m not sure what’s up with my food journal–it keeps saying I haven’t added any foods for the day, no matter what I put in! I’ve noticed that other people have encountered this problem too…..anyone have any suggestions?

Meanwhile, I’m back in New York, and starting classes next week. It’s going to be a packed semester, but I’m planning to stay on track with food and cram in exercise as much as I can because I want to be at least a size smaller when I go home for Christmas!! (My mom won’t stop gloating about how she weighs less than me at the moment…hmph…) The absence of a meal plan should hopefully help….

The last couple of days I haven’t gotten a chance to really grocery-shop (wanna go to Trader Joes but the line is absolutely nuts :[ ), but I discovered some food products that I realllly enjoyed on-the-go:

-Starbucks Tarragon Chicken Sandwich: very tasty, and just under 500 calories for a decent lunch, though the sodium content isn’t so great

-Cosi Turkey Light sandwich: lovedddddd it, made a fantastic lunch or dinner when paired the pack of carrots they give you

-Pirates Booty popcorn, and Smartfood White Cheddar Popcorn: i could eat bags and bags of these, hahaa

Anyways, hope everyone has been doing well! I’m keeping my fingers crossed for my next weigh-in; I desperately want to get out of the 130’s and lose the “overweight” status sighh

Much love,

Jen

due to calorie limits, and all?

Mine would be avocado, peanut butter, and honey-roasted almonds! and much more, but those are the ones I can think of off the top of my head, haha

What about you?

[I’m back home in Texas, struggling to maintain this week because home-cooking and our overstocked pantry = diet disaster.  I wish I could stay longer, but I’m also glad I can get away from the bagels, a bjillion types of cereals, and leftover chinese dishes….]

<3 Jen

I don’t know which states have H&M stores (I know they don’t have them back in Texas) but here in New York, it’s one of my favorite places to shop because the clothes are a bit classier than Forever21 and etc, but still reasonable in price. Problem is, it’s like a European company or something because the sizes seem to run small….my ‘typical’ size there is at least one size up, especially for shirts! the size 2 there looks like it could’ve fit me in 5th grade lol

Not that it’s that big of a deal, but it’s just slightly frustrating when you think you’re making progress, but can’t seem to fit a dress over your head….

2 more days of work left, then back to Texas to chill before school starts! I’m moving tomorrow, and my new apt. room is fabulous, so i’;m excited….tonight a bunch of us girls went to this pricey Mexican restaurant called Dos Caminos, and the guacamole was soooooo good! i definitely ate too much of that, but I think the damage overall wasn’t too bad (no margaritas or heavy cheese dishes)  there’s really not many “healthy” options at Mexican restaurants, sigh

Thursday tomorrow!!!!

much love,

Jen

I don’t know what’s wrong with me this week (aside from getting off of my period) but I’ve had several mini-binges that I really can’t justify :\ half a tub of frosting, half a bag of chocolate chips, lots of bread and hummus……Ironically, today is the first day of August, meaning I should be more anxious than ever to get back on track and actually LOSE something before school starts! Though I do remember my nutritionist telling me once how the more we restrict ourselves, the more we have the tendency to seek out the “bad” foods that we’re prohibiting ourselves to eat. And I guess it hasn’t been the best week……

I’ve overcome the worst phases of eating disorders, with anorexia and binging, but I feel like a part of that mentality will always stay with me–the preoccupation with food! (and I think a lot of people who “diet” can’t escape that same mentality)Not necessarily calorie-counting or being fat-content-obsessed, but rather “what will I eat while everyone else is eating that? Will I have to make up for that meal tomorrow? What if we go out for drinks or dessert after this dinner? What time will I be eating lunch?” I know it takes time to gradually shift my way of thinking, but sometimes I wish I could accept spontaneity and have it all work out in the end. I envy my best friend and roommate, who loveesssss food just like me, but has a much healthier approach to thinking about it and dealing with it. Ex. She’ll wake up, not eat for awhile, make a hearty lunch, save the leftovers for later, go out, have fun, get a slice of pizza and some gelato…..she doesn’t worry about it, and she’s rather thin too.  I, on the other hand, wake up, often plan out my day of where/when I’m going to eat, and feel crappy when it doesn’t work out, often leading to “fuck it” perspective and semi-binges on junk food at night.

I know it’s going to take me awhile to loosen my grip on food, and I knew I probably wouldn’t lose weight right away when I joined BuddySlim.  I’ll be content with the weight coming off slowly, as long as that number doesn’t keep going up!  I’m heading back to Texas for a week this month, and sometimes I’m afraid to wander back in the vicinity of my old dance school, afraid someone will recognize me and be like “wow, what happened to her?” and spread the word back to my rail-thin nazi coaches/teachers and dancing friends.

I’ll be seeing my parents too, for the first time since December, and the last time they saw me, I was about 10 pounds less :\ After I told them I was planning to lose weight this summer! it’s not that big of a deal but I know my parents often don’t understand my obsession/addiction/problems with food and weight. Eat more, gain weight, eat less, lose weight, right? My dad’s as healthy as a horse–eats cleanly and exercises all the time. My mom absolutely loves food, but has never had problems stopping when she’s full, or gaining weight.  So where did my messed up habits come from?!???

Anyways….my goal is still to lose 10 pounds by the time school starts, but I might revise that to 8 or 6, depending on how the next weeks go.

Tomorrow is a new day. August 2nd, though I wish I could’ve had my clean slate today. I’m not “Starting over” like quite a few people lately on BS, but just continuing this long, long struggle…..my roommate and I have made plans to run in Central Park, so hopefully it doesn’t rain until the afternoon!  I also want to see The Ugly Truth; heard it was actually pretty good!

mm, there’s something really nice and cathartic about blogging here =) I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend so far….here’s to a better week for me and for anyone else who had it rough too

Much love,

Jen

Does anyone else still in school want to lose a certain amount before fall semester started up again???

I did and still do, but at the rate I’m going—ekkkk!!

I haven’ t been so good with my eating the last week or so; I do sooo well on the weekdays with calories and exercise, and it’s been sabatoged during weekends on sooo many occasions… junk food, alcohol and rich meals somehow all tag along at nearly every social function! There’s only so many salads and glasses of water one can order while your friends munch on flatbreads, cheeses and sweets…… I suppose taht’s why so many people would like to just isolate themselves completely while on their strict diets (except from my BS buddies of course ) sighhhh

Okay I’m done semi-ranting. I ‘ve been literally bouncing back and forth between the same 3 pounds :\ I need to just get a grip so it can be lost permanently and actually start getting somewhere! Everyone here is so inspirational with their journeys

much love,

Jen

…..where you want to bury yourself underneath the sheets and never come out.

I was doing so well until these last few days—don’t you hate it when everything piles up at once?  My internship has been difficult lately because of this new project that I literally have no clue how to do. My boss has been generally nice to me for the last couple of months but I feel like I’m really disappointing him cause I seem to be so slow at learning! Today I got some deadlines that are really freaking me out…..I know I need to be more confident in my abilities but arghhhhhhhhhhh.

Furthermore, I FINALLY ended a long distance relationship with my boyfriend in California; knew it was coming (can you get farther than LA-NYC? haha…..)  and I even sort of prepared myself, but it didn’t make it less painful :\ I’m not even sure if we’ll be able to stay close friends, sigh.

All of which has led me pretty much hanging off the wagon–I ate most of this batch of dessert I was experimenting with yesterday (how do you bakers out there manage to serve the dessert before eating it all yourself! lol) and several chocolate chip cookies today :\  I haven’t been eating too healthily the whole last week, but strangely, I haven’t experienced any weight gain………….yet.

I’m so looking forward to tomorrow…..hope everyone’s Monday was better than mine!

<3 Jen

[”It” meaning our weight, our insecurities, our fears….]

Hm…haven’t blogged in awhile here, but that doesn’t mean I haven’t been keeping up with my plan! I HAVE sort of cheated a couple of times, but I think it should be okay overall….furthermore I’ve been PMSing/on my period, so I’ve been sort of afraid to weigh myself, hahaa.

What a day for the entertainnment world—I guess deaths sometimes do occur in 3’s: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and of course, Michael Jackson. All three lived out the height of their stardom way before my generation, but somehow I feel the impact of their loss just as much as the adults who followed and supported their rise to fame. For one thing, I’ve always sort of wanted to do the surprise first dance at my wedding where it starts traditionally, but then everyone busts out into “Thriller”  =D They’ll all be missed dearly.

I’m SO glad the rain has subsided (even if temporarily) here in New York City, and even more glad that I’m not living at home right now in Houston, where the temperature has hit a record-breaking 104….ekkkk

Food-wise, it’s been okay….still too many carbs, probably not enough water. I’ve been trying to drink green tea, and I know a lot of people who claim to be addicted to it, but I can’t seem to gulp it down as easily. Do you guys brew it hot in massive quantities and stick it in the fridge?  I’m curious if anyone has suggestions on how to get to really like it, cause I know it’s great for metabolism and all.

AND I had my first Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich, and it was sooo good! I have to will myself not to eat half the package at once. It’s great for those who have ice cream cravings (though sadly, I’m more of a dense, soft chocolate chip cookie girl, and they haven’t come out with a fantastic diet version of that) Also, I discovered Chocolate Reddiwhip, which is also wonderfullllll =)

Hopefullyyyy I can continue eating well and getting my butt to the gym—I’m kinda sorta dreading 4th of July Weekend, haha…

Much love,

-Jen

So the last couple of days have been so-so……not over-eating, but not eating super healthy/well either. Too many carbs and not enough veggies :\  BUT today I went to a Thai restaurant with my friends for dinner and managed to only eat half of my dish! =D  (which is an accomplishment for me lol) I have SUCH a chocolate craving right now though, and I’m trying to think of something small that I can incorporate without wrecking my diet totally. (I’m a sucker for huge chocolate chip cookies)

It’s been so rainy and dreary here in NYC for the last 2 weeks, so it’s pretty depressing outside….I hope the weather clears up so I can walk more instead of being cooped up in the gym.

Still trying to find that absolute BURST of motivation….

Hope everyone is doing well!

<3 Jen